Stop comparing yourself to other writers
Stop comparing yourself to other writers
Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on your own unique path instead.
If you’re an aspiring author, it’s easy to feel daunted by the scale of the task ahead of you. Even discouraged. A good way to make yourself feel worse is to compare yourself to other writers.
If you want to be an author, it may be partly because you love reading. You have a story to tell, and want to emulate your literary heroes. There’s nothing wrong with admiring successful authors, and being inspired and influenced by their work. It can motivate you and spur you on. Their success can light a path for you to follow.
But bear in mind that the bestselling authors you love are at a different stage to you. It may have taken them years to achieve success. You’re just starting out. They’re further along the path – and also on their own unique path. You’re on yours. It’s not a fair comparison: they’re at the end of a journey that you’re just beginning. And, besides, comparing yourself to others is generally unhelpful and can lead to unhappiness.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
The quotation “Comparison is the thief of joy” has variously been attributed to Shakespeare, Theodore Roosevelt, Mark Twain and C. S. Lewis. We may never know. But I do know that these are people with whom none of us bear close comparison. And that’s OK.
Social media and comparisonitis
Social media can be a particularly toxic environment where comparison is concerned. When you scroll through Instagram, everyone else’s lives just look SO much better, don’t they? But remember that people tend to show the best side of themselves on social media. You’re seeing a carefully curated timeline of best bits, happy moments and personal branding. This is particularly true if you follow ‘influencers’ whose job it is to sell a lifestyle. It can sometimes seem like everyone is more successful than you.
“Comparisonitis is a contagious, socially transmitted condition [that leaves] your confidence in tatters and your self-worth plummeting.” – Melissa Ambrosini
Melissa Ambrosini, author of Comparisonitis: A Guide to Finding Happiness in a Social Media World (2021), says: “Comparisonitis is a contagious, socially transmitted condition that occurs when you compare yourself to others so frequently and fiercely that you’re left paralysed, with your confidence in tatters and your self-worth plummeting.”
Focus on goals rather than unfair comparisons
It’s easy to see how images of the ‘perfect’ life on Instagram can lead to negative comparisons with others. But it’s not just social media. As writers, we compare ourselves to the authors we read all the time. And of course your scrappy, imperfect first draft doesn’t bear comparison to a fully finished, published book by an established author.
A lot of work has gone into that book you’re reading. Not just the previous career of the author, but into that individual project. Who knows how many drafts it went through and how many years it took? And that’s before it gets into the hands of an agent, publisher, copy-editor, beta-readers and all the people who contribute to improving and polishing the final product. Writing may be a solitary profession – but it takes a village to create a book. You’re comparing two completely different things.
Unfair comparisons don’t just have to be with the latest New York Times #1 bestseller. They could also include comparing yourself to:
A famous, bestselling author, who regularly appears at literary festivals and on TV
A writer friend who has just landed an agent
An author who writes beautiful, poetic prose
An writer who is actually published, by a major publishing house
A hyper-productive author, who produces at least one new book per year
An author who has a gazillion five-star reviews on Amazon
An author who is critically acclaimed and wins prizes
An author who has had their book adapted into a film or TV series
An author who is writing in a different genre to you.
You can probably think of more yourself. These are unfair comparisons, because the authors and books you’re comparing yourself to are on a different path to you, at a different stage, or may have had to write multiple books to get this sort of success.
However, there is an upside to these comparisons. Pay attention to which authors and books you tend to compare yourself with, because it will give you a stronger sense of what matters to you as a writer. What are your goals and aspirations? Focus on those, and how you’ll get there – rather than on published books and authors, and how you fall short of them.
Being clear about your ‘why’ can be a big motivator. Focusing on the end product of someone else’s literary career is likely to demotivate you.
Comparison and impostor syndrome
Unfairly comparing yourself with successful authors can lead to feelings of not being a ‘proper’ writer, of not being worthy, of coming up short, of feeling a fraud and thinking it’s only a matter of time until you’re found out and rejected. There’s a name for this feeling: impostor syndrome. And it’s a trap we all fall into at times. Even successful authors suffer from it, as they may worry that their next book will be a flop.
The flip side of impostor syndrome is that it can be a symptom of growth. It’s often because you feel out of your comfort zone, you’re doing something you’ve not done before, and you wonder if you’re up to it. Recognize those thoughts – and do it anyway. Don’t let self-doubt hold you back.
Impostor syndrome is a big topic that we’ll return to. But it’s relevant here because Rule 101 of overcoming impostor syndrome is: avoid comparison with others.
When to compare yourself to other writers
Comparison is a fundamental human trait – you can’t really switch it off. But you can mitigate its negative effects by avoiding comparisons that make you feel inferior.
According to social comparison theory (Leon Festinger, 1954), there are three types of social comparison: upward, downward and horizontal. So far we’ve been talking about upward comparison: comparing yourself to writers who’ve already ‘made it’. This can be inspiring – but can also make you feel discouraged or like an impostor (even if that comparison isn’t a fair one).
So if you really must compare yourself to other writers, here are three types of comparison that might actually be helpful (two downward and one horizontal):
Bad books. (Downward.) Instead of comparing yourself with bestsellers, why not compare yourself with really terrible writers, like [REDACTED] or [REDACTED]? Because plenty of them get published. Lots of books get published every year – and some of them (whispers) aren’t very good. So if you can write, why shouldn’t you be a published author?
Unpublished writers. (Downward.) Think about all the other unpublished writers out there. Most people never finish a manuscript – or even get beyond an idea. So if you have written a first draft, or are well on the way, you’re already ahead of the game! Yes, there are lots of writers further along the path than you. But there are also plenty of people lagging behind you – or who aren’t even on the path.
Market research. (Horizontal.) One of the times it’s useful to think about other writers is when you’re researching agents and publishers to submit to. Don’t try to second-guess the market in advance, or write for an imagined readership in a trending niche that may have moved on by the time your book is out. But do look at books that are similar to yours – in genre, theme or topic. Who published them? Who is the author’s agent? They should be on your hit list for query letters.
The danger with downward comparison is that you may just use it to make yourself feel better and stop there. Instead, try to take encouragement that you’re developing as a writer and on a pathway to publication – and keep going.
Comparison depends on your mindset
Upward comparison can have positive or negative effects, depending on your mindset. That feeling of not measuring up, of feeling you’ll never be as good as the talented writers around you – which may lead to feelings of inferiority, discouragement or wanting to give up – is more common if you have a fixed mindset.
If you think writing talent is innate and natural, something you either have or don’t, that you’re born with and can’t change, you may think that great writers come out fully formed and that, if you’re not as good as them, you never will be. So why try? While downward comparison may make you feel better, upward comparison will only confirm your negative view of yourself – and won’t inspire you to develop.
Conversely, if you have a growth mindset, you’ll know that you’ll get there in time. You may not be a successful writer yet. But you have the self-confidence to believe in your ability to learn, develop and grow. So if you do compare yourself to more successful writers, you don’t get discouraged. You may feel inspired and encouraged by what’s possible. Because you understand the path you’re on, the stage you’re at - and that you may be on a completely different path anyway. But you know that it’s a pathway of growth.
If you have a growth mindset, you’ll be more interested in learning and developing your craft - getting incrementally better at what you do – than in proving your worth as a writer, seeking validation of your innate talent, or confirmation of your perceived lack of talent.
Write your own kind of book
As Cass Elliot once sang, you’ve got to make your own kind of music. If you want to be an author, you’ve also got to write your own kind of book. Your own, unique voice is what matters – not least because it’s what agents, publishers and readers want.
Defining ‘voice’ is hard. Finding your own, unique writerly voice takes time. But comparing yourself with other writers – and, especially, trying to emulate them – won’t help you at all.
Authenticity is key. Write what you want to write, in your own voice. Write your big, beautiful, bonkers book – even if, at the time, it seems too odd or too ‘different’ to be publishable. One of the joys as a reader is that moment when you think: “Oh! You can do that in a novel…” Let your imagination fly, and you’ll find yourself.
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
- Zen Shin
Zen Shin said: “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” Focus on your own growth – without constantly comparing yourself to the writers next to you – and your writing will bloom. Then maybe one day an aspiring author will aspire to be like you.